Remember when people used to send direct mail packages with lots of stuff packed inside?

That was back in the good old days, before the economy went bust and everyone panicked and started mailing little postcards, invoice mailers, and fliers that all look alike.

One of my favorite old-fashioned direct mail package techniques was the “coin trick.” You attach a penny or nickel to an insert and use a window envelope to let recipients see the coin inside.

It’s irresistible. Very few people can bring themselves to throw away a real coin.

I guess no one told The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society about the “new” economy because they just sent me a package with a coin trick. Specifically, they use a 3-window envelope, showing the mailing address, return address, and a shiny nickel.

The envelope features a photo of a child holding a doll and a handwritten teaser that reads,”How can 5¢ save a child’s life?”

If for no other reason, you have to open the envelope to retrieve the nickel. Once you’re inside, you see personalized holiday address and gift labels, front and back on a single sheet. It feels weighty, thus valuable.

The top part features the nickel and a donation form asking you to return the nickel along with a generous gift to save the lives of children with blood cancer. It’s personalized and mentions your home town.

The center part shows a short, personalized letter tying the nickel to the message of how nickels can add up when you invest them in cancer research. The bottom part and the entire back of the sheet holds the address and gift labels.

The only other piece is the return envelope, so despite the weighty feel of the package, it’s fairly economical. Will I keep the coin? Yes. Will I use the labels? Yes. Does it make me want to donate? Absolutely.

I would have never opened the envelope but for the nickel. That little coin trick, as old-fashioned as it might seem, can still work magic.

Getting people to open your envelope is job one. And at the very least, that shiny nickel will get the job done.

Have you ever use a coin trick? How about other tricks?

Related posts:

1. Simple direct mail offers can work like crazy
2. 99 old-fangled tips to goose your direct mail

Fairfax Cone once said, “Advertising is what you do when you can’t go see somebody. That’s all it is.”

He was so right.

There is no better way to sell something than in-person. Talking to someone face-to-face lets you have a personal conversation and get a feel for what someone wants and what it will take to make a deal.

However, since it’s not possible to have a personal chat with the billions of potential consumers out there, we use advertising media as a stand-in. And of all the traditional formats, sales letters come closest to the personal conversation you want to have.

A well-written sales letter remains one of the most effective means of speaking to people, sparking an emotional response, and motivating them to buy. It’s simple, personal, easy-to-read, and effective.

It’s hard to explain what makes a good sales letter. It’s sort of like good art: you just know it when you see it.

However, there are some basic steps for writing a sales letter. Here are 14 of them.

1. Consider using a headline or Johnson Box. Not every letter will have these elements, but they are ideal for telegraphing your offer or a clear benefit statement. Just remember that they make your letter look less personal and more like advertising.

2. Use an appropriate salutation. Personalization is best when you can do it. Otherwise, use a salutation that connects with the reader as closely as possible. “Dear Friend” is safe but general. “Dear Cat Lover” is more targeted and specific. If you’re mailing to a business audience, use the occupational or professional title.

3. Make your first sentence short and attention-grabbing. Don’t waste time with a long windup before your pitch. Involve the reader immediately. Make a startling statement. Start an interesting story. Hit an emotional hot button. Or just state the offer and get to the point. This last approach is often the best tactic and offers the least room for error. The following sentences can expand on this first sentence to pull the reader into the body copy. Here are 30 sales letter openers for inspiration.

4. Present your offer on page one. If you don’t give your offer in the headline or first sentence, you should put it somewhere early in the letter text. The better your offer, the earlier you should mention it. Be clear and specific about what your reader will get by responding.

5. End the first page in the middle of a sentence. Whether it’s curiosity or an urge for closure, cutting a sentence in two at the bottom of a page helps encourage the reader to turn the page, finish the sentence, and keep reading. You can also use this technique on successive pages.

6. Keep your copy on track. You’re not writing a novel, but your main idea should be a thread that weaves through the whole letter. At minimum, present your theme on page one and end on a similar note on the last page.

7. Make the body of the letter work hard. Once you’ve grabbed your reader’s attention and generated interest in your offer, follow immediately with benefits, details, word pictures, testimonials, and proofs to eliminate doubt.

8. Call for action. Quickly restate the main points of your offer and ask for the response you want clearly and directly. Restate information on involvement devices, motivators, incentives, etc. Restate the big benefit.

9. Make response easy and clear. How should the reader respond? Give your toll-free number. Explain the ordering process one-two-three.

10. Guarantee your offer. Assure the reader that there is no risk. State your guarantee in strong terms. This should directly follow your call to action.

11. Stress urgency. Why should the reader respond now? Is it a limited-time offer? Are supplies limited? Are prices going up soon? Give a logical, sensible, and honest reason why this is the best time to respond. And be clear about what will happen if the reader does not respond. Mention the lost opportunity or the consequences.

12. End the letter when you’re finished. Just as your letter shouldn’t have a long windup at the beginning, it shouldn’t prattle on at the end. End a letter as bluntly as it began. Often this is a quick restatement of your instructions for responding or a simple “thank you.”

13. Have the right person sign your letter. Your letter should be signed by the highest-authority person available or by someone relevant to the reader. Ideally, the signature should be in blue ink. (Hint: Consider how the signature looks. Does it suggest confidence and believability, or is it shaky and uncertain?)

14. Use your P.S. effectively. The postscript is one of the most-read parts of a letter. It should present an important message, a prime benefit, a restatement of the offer, a reminder of the deadline, a sweetener, or whatever you feel is most effective in this prime spot. Some call the P.S. a headline at the end of the letter. Ideally, it should be short, about one to three lines.

Got it? Okay, now here’s why everything I’ve just told you could be wrong.

These 14 steps can help you craft a solid sales letter. But they won’t necessarily turn you into a master copywriter. The fact is, great letters often break the rules. Why? Because there are no rules, just rules of thumb.

For example, if you ask me about the first sentence of a sales letter, I’ll swear to you it must be short. That’s always the way I start a sales letter. But I’ve seen great letters with a long opening sentence.

I’ve also seen great letters with no P.S. Letters that seem to do their best to hide the offer. Letters that never break a sentence at the bottom of the page. I’ve even seen letters that don’t include a clear call to action.

Here’s my point: It’s easy to analyze a sales letter after it’s written. In most letters, you’ll see most, if not all, the above 14 steps. But just as great art can’t be paint-by-numbers, great sales letters can’t be formulaic.

Sometimes you have to break the rules or make up your own rules. Sometimes you have to take a chance. A letter is a conversation, and no conversation ever follows a set path. That’s why great sales people don’t follow a script. They just know how to go with the flow and arrive where they want to be … with a signed order.

Follow the 14 steps. But remember that you’re not conducting a lecture. In a good sales letter, you’re having a conversation. A sales letter is what you write when you can’t go talk to someone.

Related posts:

1. 5 copywriting cheats to write better and faster
2. Sales lead call backs: strike while the iron is hot

Smart direct mailers should always look for ways to cut costs. But in today’s economic climate, cutting costs is a must.

Paper, postage, and printing are all on the rise. Prospects have become more choosy about responding to offers. And marketing departments are being asked to tighten their belts and stretch their dollars.

Here are three simple tips for trimming costs.

Talk to your printer. You may have a well-designed direct mail piece, but is it efficiently produced? Can you make small changes in the layout that will allow you to use more of the paper stock and create less waste? Are you using an odd shape that is making production or postage more expensive? Is the piece printed on unnecessarily expensive stock or stock that requires a special order and extra freight charges?

Consider the following video from my friends at Ballantine Corporation.

You should also look at the piece from a creative point of view. Do you really need UV coating or die cuts? Can you eliminate a piece or combine two pieces to lower weight and cut postage? Would a lighter weight stock work as well with your design? Often features you like don’t affect results and are unnecessary.

Consider digital printing. There was a time when you had to print on a four-color press if you wanted full color. But today, digital presses are common. No, they won’t give you art book quality printing, but the final product looks good for most commercial purposes and is generally faster and cheaper.

Digital presses also let you do personalization and versioning for more targeted and relevant messages. If that doesn’t cut your cost directly, it can certainly improve your return on investment with potentially better response.

Test into smaller formats. Testing is something you should be doing anyway, but there is a tendency for many businesses to cut testing programs when the budget gets tight. That’s a mistake. When times are good, you should be testing. When times are tough, you MUST be testing.

What should you test to reduce costs? Try removing your brochure. Sometimes it doesn’t affect response if you have a strong letter. Try turning a 6” x 9” package into a #10. If you’re generating leads, have you tried a postcard or flyer? Could you remove an order form and send customers to a Web form? Does your letter have to be 8 pages or would it work just as well at 6 pages? There’s almost always something you can cut, shrink, or modify.

Remember that while costs are an issue now, there’s an upside: There could be less competition in the mailbox. Some mailers are reporting higher response because competitors have scaled back. The key is to never give up. Print smart and keep testing and you’re likely to see good results.

Related posts:

1. 7 stupid ways to screw up your direct mail
2. Soup, sand, and rancid cheese: The craziest direct mail test in history
3. Simple direct mail offers can work like crazy

What do you do when you have a good product and a loyal audience? You give them a simple, straightforward offer. That’s what Spring Hill Nurseries did with this big 6” x 11.5” envelope package.

Ferns are popular because they grow in moist or shady areas of the garden where few other plants will grow. They blend with any kind of plant and provide beautiful color and texture where it’s needed most.

I’m a customer of Spring Hill, and I’ve purchased ferns from them before, so I’m on their list and they know I like ferns. Do they need to clobber me over the head with fern details. No. They just need to catch me at the right time with the right offer.

They start on the outer envelope with a big photo of their ferns. The teaser copy is dead simple: “Ferns. Over 50% OFF!” Not clever, but it doesn’t need to be. The back of the envelope shows the six types of ferns offered with the headline “Beautify any shady spot instantly and save over 50%!”

Inside, Spring Hill uses smart production techniques to create a wide, personalized letter and order form. The two pieces are printed on one 11” x 17” sheet then cut apart. This lets them use the headline “Delicate, graceful, elegant and soothing are just some of the words that describe our Hardy Fern Collection, Mr. Rieck.”

The package also includes a small gatefold brochure. Large photos, big type, and simple copy help the reader visualize the ferns in his or her own garden. The offer is everywhere you look.

This is not what you would call an “award-winning” direct mail package. There’s little of what most people would consider clever copy or design. But Spring Hill is a no-nonsense seller of flowers and plants. Their customers don’t want clever advertising, they want beautiful gardens and good deals. So the focus is always on the promise of carefree beauty and dollar savings.

One nice technique demonstrates this straightforward marketing approach. On the back of the business reply envelope, an area most mailers leave blank, they offer to send a free catalog to two friends if you supply their name and address.

Clever? No. Smart. You bet. I’m hip to their selling techniques and this package still made me want to order ferns. That’s good direct mail.

Related posts:

1. How to sell products with direct mail inserts
2. 7 stupid ways to screw up your direct mail
3. 99 old-fangled tips to goose your direct mail

When I talk to clients about direct mail, I sometimes feel like an old fart. And a bit of a nerd.

I think it’s because if you list the top 10 hottest topics in direct marketing, none of them have anything to do with direct mail. All the cool people are talking about online and social media these days. Or texting about it.

And yeah, online stuff is cool. I’m on Twitter. I Digg and Stumble and bookmark sites that are Delicious. I run a Facebook page for a nonprofit and write web copy.

I’ve been a computer geek since before most of today’s marketing geniuses were born, gol’ darnit. I go way back to the VIC-20 when computing meant writing basic code line-by-line.

And there I go feeling old again.

But even if direct mail might seem old-fashioned to some people, the truth is, it still works. In fact, even though it’s not the hot topic, direct mail continues to generate sales and leads and donations day-after-day for those smart enough to use it.

Years ago, I wrote up a list of 99 simple direct mail tips. As I look it over, I think it’s just as valid today as it was then.

1. Make an irresistible offer.
2. Give away something free to boost response.
3. Prefer a free gift over a discount.
4. Increase the perceived value of your offer.
5. Reduce the perceived risk in accepting your offer.
6. Offer attractive payment options.
7. Use a time limit to increase urgency.
8. Test a two-step offer for high-priced goods.
9. Test a yes/no offer to clarify the buying decision.
10. Test a yes/maybe offer to lower perceived commitment.
11. Dramatize your offer with stamps or stickers.
12. Make your offer tangible with a check or coupon.
13. Create your envelope to get noticed and get opened.
14. Use teaser copy to tease, not tell.
15. Consider using a plain envelope.
16. Try an official-looking envelope.
17. Use a low-key envelope for business prospects.
18. Use your sales letter to sell and your brochure to tell.
19. Make your letter look like a letter.
20. Grab attention in your letter with a short first sentence.
21. Express one central idea in your letter.
22. Write your letter in a friendly, personal tone.
23. Call for action early and often in your letter text.
24. Have a high-authority person sign your letter.
25. Personalize your letter if possible.
26. Use a P.S. to cite a benefit, deadline, or extra detail.
27. Use your brochure to add credibility.
28. Use brochure tables, charts, diagrams, and visuals to support your claims.
29. Design your brochure for easy reading.
30. Use clear benefit heads and subheads in your brochure.
31. Include all features and specifics in your brochure text.
32. Include complete ordering information in your brochure.
33. Test your package with no brochure.
34. Use a stand-alone order form.
35. Restate your offer on the order form.
36. Include an acceptance statement.
37. Make your order form easy to fill out and return.
38. Highlight the deadline.
39. Make your order form look valuable.
40. Refer to the order form as something more valuable.
41. Consider extra order forms for passalongs.
42. Order something from yourself to discover how to make ordering easier.
43. Offer a fax response option for businesses.
44. Use your order form to highlight last-minute specials.
45. Preprint your customer’s name and address to simplify ordering.
46. Restate your guarantee on the order form.
47. Offer a toll-free number for faster orders.
48. Avoid a two-sided order form.
49. Use the back of your order form for support information only.
50. Give clear, simple ordering directions.
51. Include a BRE if you ask for confidential information.
52. Pay the postage on reply cards.
53. Feature compelling testimonials.
54. Edit testimonials carefully and honestly.
55. Prefer many short quotes over a few long quotes.
56. Group testimonials to increase impact.
57. Use names, titles, and locations to increase testimonial credibility.
58. Turn a good testimonial into a lift letter.
59. Use a testimonial as a headline or benefit statement.
60. Show people using your product or service.
61. Give case histories of your best customers.
62. Display a seal of approval or rating.
63. Cite favorable reviews.
64. Cite media coverage.
65. Back up your offer with a strong guarantee.
66. State your guarantee in the strongest possible terms.
67. Keep your guarantee conditions to a minimum.
68. Make your guarantee a prominent package element.
69. Replace your conditional guarantee with an unconditional guarantee.
70. Strengthen your guarantee with a signature.
71. Extend your guarantee for as long as possible.
72. Make your guarantee look official.
73. Avoid asterisks and legal-looking tiny type.
74. Reinforce your guarantee with a merchandise return label.
75. Encourage involvement with a quiz or checklist.
76. Emphasize exclusivity with a membership card.
77. Add fun with a rub-off or hidden message.
78. Answer objections or highlight a benefit with a lift letter.
79. Increase credibility with a testimonial insert.
80. Answer questions or objections with a Q&A insert.
81. Prove your product superiority with a sample.
82. Share supporting information with an article reprint.
83. Deliver a quick pitch with an ad reprint.
84. Announce last-minute news with a buckslip.
85. Offer a premium on a buckslip.
86. Draw attention with a yellow sticky note.
87. Include company name, address, and phone number on every piece.
88. Establish a solid control before testing elements.
89. Test one element at a time.
90. Run statistically valid tests.
91. Retest anything that shows a significant change.
92. Track results meticulously.
93. Train your people on the importance of tracking.
94. Analyze your results in writing.
95. Use your test results to determine creative strategy.
96. Keep using your control until you beat it.
97. Test this.
98. Test that.
99. Test the other thing.

Related posts:

1. Quick tips for writing variable direct mail copy
2. 7 stupid ways to screw up your direct mail
3. Soup, sand, and rancid cheese: The craziest direct mail test in history

Variable copy is a response-boosting direct mail technique that has been around for a long time.

In the old days, you would print your piece (letter, reply, brochure, whatever) with blank spaces. Then you would run the piece through another machine to fill in the spaces with “variable” copy.

The variable copy could be a person’s name, a deadline date, a special price, etc. It looked a little ridiculous, since the variable copy never matched the rest of the printed piece and you had to leave a big space to allow for the copy dropped in.

But it worked.

Today, digital printing technology has made variable copy both easier and more believable. In many cases, you can personalize deep into the copy, inserting nearly any variable available. I use this technique whenever I can because it nearly always gives response a lift.

But how do you write copy for variable data? It’s not hard, but there are a few things to consider.

Find out what data is available. Some mailing lists have little more than name and address. Others have tons of information, such as gender, income, marital status, ethnicity, age, education, occupation, hobbies, and more. You have to work with whatever information is available.

Decide what data you should include. Just because you have a lot of data doesn’t mean you should use it. If you’re writing copy for a letter selling Christian books, it might make sense to talk about religious affiliation. But it doesn’t make sense to talk about ethnicity. Use only the data that enhances your message and makes it more relevant.

Identify key areas to personalize. Since you’re going to the trouble of inserting variable data, you should place it where it will make the most difference. Hot spots include headlines, subheads, call to action, the first few lines of a letter, the P.S., bullet list headers, and photo captions.

Consider other types of variable data. Besides variable text, you can add variable maps, offers, photos, charts, feature lists, etc. With the right printing equipment, you can make just about anything variable.

Plan your spacing and line breaks. You indicate variable copy by inserting place holders. For example, <city> indicates that the city of the recipient should be inserted. The tricky part about this is that a city name can be short, such as Fly. (Yes, Fly is a real city. It’s in Ohio close to where I used to live.) Or it can be long, such as Rancho Santa Margarita.

If you can, find out the shortest and longest data for every variable you plan to use. This will help with spacing. If you put a variable in your headline, you have to consider what the headline will look like whether the variable is short or long.

For line breaks in running text, try to insert your placeholder where it won’t cause weird breaks or awkward hyphenations. In a letter, for example, I might place the variable in the short last line of a paragraph.

Don’t overdo it. The point of variable data is to make your copy more personal and relevant, not to make it sound like a bad sweepstakes offer: “Mary Smith! You’re going to love this crock pot for preparing dinners for the Mary Smith family. Just return the order form, Mary Smith, and we’ll rush this amazing crock pot to the Mary Smith home today!”

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Related posts:

1. 7 stupid ways to screw up your direct mail

A famous chess player once revealed to me how he wins so many games, often against far more experienced players. I had expected some arcane theory or secret formula. However, what he said was this: “I try to avoid making mistakes.”

I’ve never forgotten that bit of wisdom. In fact, I routinely give similar advice to my direct mail clients. Yes, I have all kinds of deep and well-thought-out ideas about creating effective direct mail, but the first thing I tell them is this: “Avoid mistakes before seeking brilliance.”

What sort of mistakes? After working with over 250 clients in the U.S. and abroad, I’ve seen lots of smart people making lots of stupid mistakes. But there are a few particularly stupid things I see again and again, each guaranteed to screw up your direct mail big time.

Stupid Thing #1 — Allow a trigger-happy “general” agency within killing range of your promotion.

One of the world’s largest chemical companies sent me a self-mailer to review. They were using it to generate inquiries for a special program here in the U.S., but it hadn’t produced the sort of response they wanted.

They didn’t have to tell me a general agency had created it. I could tell by looking at it. The copy was cutesy, full of pun-heavy, meaningless headlines. The design was garish, with wild colors and hard-to-read type styles. The offer was hidden. The response elements were buried. The central message was disjointed and unclear.

My review consisted of two words: “It stinks.”

My solution consisted of three words: “Do it again.”

They said they could design the piece themselves if I gave them new copy and some very specific design direction, so that’s what I did. But when I got samples a couple months later, I was shocked. The copy had been hacked to death. The design had reverted to its original hideousness.

The reason? They showed it to some people at their New York agency. The creative team took a fit and mercilessly sacrificed the newly born self-mailer on the altar of creative irrelevance. The result? More lousy results.

I have nothing against general agencies, but most of them simply can’t do effective direct advertising. (Most can’t do good brand advertising, either. But that’s another article.) If you’re serious about selling products, generating leads, or raising funds directly, keep a safe distance between your direct mail piece and most general agencies. Say, a half mile or so.

Stupid Thing #2 — Have the artist design the piece first, and the writer fill in the blanks later.

I’ve been in this situation more times than I care to admit. And the result is always bad. It’s usually an agency. And it’s usually right after they’ve won a client’s business with the aid of a few funky design mockups.

Trouble is, when clients are sold that way, they want to see a final product that looks like the original pitch. The format is set  and the layout is created before any thought is given to the actual message.

Like the time an agency sent me a mockup of a three-dimensional mailing to announce a trade show. The copy areas were indicated by neat little gray boxes here and there in the design. My job: fill in the blanks.

But, I asked, what about a response form? What about a letter? What about … no, just fill in the blanks, thank you.

I love designers. I work with them all the time. But with all due respect, designers should never, ever lead the creation of a direct mail sales message. Images entice, impress, demonstrate, dramatize, tease, assure, amuse, and suggest, but they don’t sell. Words sell. And words come from the writer.

Stupid Thing #3 — Plaster a clever teaser on every envelope you mail.

A teaser is a technique, not a requirement. But some people seem to experience physical pain at the idea of mailing a plain envelope.
A financial services firm asked me to write a lead generation package. I delivered it, and my contact called me to say some of my copy had been lost.

Me: Lost?

Client: Yes, there is no teaser copy for the envelope.

Me: Oh, well I didn’t write any.

Client: Didn’t write any? (Long silence.) Well the envelope can’t go out like that. What would the board of directors say?

Me: Are you mailing it to the board of directors?

Client: No, but they want a professional-looking package.

Me: Really? I would think they want a package that gets the best response possible. And in this case, I think that means using a plain envelope.

Client: (Another long silence.) Okay, well, our designer has some ideas for teaser copy, so we’ll come up with something.

The decision about whether to use a teaser depends on what you are selling and your relationship with your prospects. And it depends on whether you want your ad to look like an ad. Sometimes it should. Often it shouldn’t.

My rule on this is simple: When in doubt, leave it out.

Stupid Thing #4 — Spending 2 weeks on the flyer and 2 hours on the letter.

I know. Brochures are sexy. Letters aren’t. But the old saying is as true as it ever was: “The letter sells. The brochure tells.” So if you spend all your time on the tell, you just aren’t going to sell.

A newsletter publisher sent me a sample of a direct mail package that wasn’t working like they thought it should. I could see one big problem right away. The letter was a four-paragraph snoozer — little more than “Enclosed you will find, yadda yadda.” The company president said his secretary wrote it.

Sigh.

I could go on and on about the importance of letters, but here’s the bottom line. If it’s in an envelope, it needs a letter. And if you enclose a letter, it should sell. That’s where you make the personal connection. That’s where you make your pitch. That’s where you close the deal.

A package can work without a brochure, but it will seldom work without a good letter. It’s the most important part of every direct mail package, and you should allot your time accordingly.

Stupid Thing #5 — Create a slow-reveal “Burma Shave” brochure.

Remember those Burma Shave signs along the highway? (If you do, you’ve just revealed your age.) They would present a rhymed message, with each line on a different sign, so as you drove past, the message was slowly revealed, saving the product name for the end.

Cute. But a bad technique for direct mail brochures. You know the kind of thing I’m talking about. A few words of copy or a clever graphic on each panel. The reader has to open the brochure — reading in exactly the right order from panel to panel — to figure out the message.

Early in my career, I worked with an agency that insisted every brochure have a “set up” on the cover and a “payoff” inside. It was like writing jokes instead of brochures. Every time I delivered clear, straightforward copy that started selling right on the cover, it was rewritten to set up, then pay off.

Burma Shave signs had a simple purpose: to fix the Burma Shave name in the minds of buyers. However, your brochure has a much more difficult and immediate task: to support the sales message in the letter with explanations, details, and proofs. People look to it not for entertainment but for information.

So if you have something to say, say it. Start saying it right on the cover. And make sure your message is clear no matter how the reader skips around from panel to panel.

Stupid Thing #6 — Play hide and seek with the order form, guarantee, and testimonials.

A software company had tested a half dozen versions of the same mailer. All of them had performed poorly. When I got the samples, I could see why. The order form was hidden on the last panel of the brochure. The guarantee — one of the strongest I’ve ever seen — appeared in only one place in the middle of some text. And the testimonials were merely filler for a few open areas in the design.

But an order form is not a piece of extra paper. A guarantee is not a necessary evil to jam into the copy. Testimonials are not a design element. These are each part of the skeleton of your direct mail message. Without that skeleton, the body of your package collapses into a helpless mass of paper.

Whenever possible, make your order form a separate piece that falls right into your prospect’s lap. Highlight your guarantee on every piece to assure your prospect of your integrity. And group your testimonials so they make a stronger impression.

Stupid Thing #7 — Guess, guess, guess instead of test, test, test.

This is probably the stupidest thing of all. And I run into it all the time. Despite the image our industry has for being a bunch of number-happy bean counters, a frighteningly large percentage of businesses don’t test. Or don’t test properly.

One guy wanted me to help him sell a software product. He was using a self-mailer, but I thought he needed an envelope package. He said he had tested envelope packages and firmly stated that they don’t work.

But after asking some very specific questions, I found out he had done one mailing. With a new offer. To an untried list. During a bad time of the year. And didn’t mail it against his control. In other words, he did a lousy mailing, got lousy results, and concluded that envelope packages are lousy.

And you would be amazed at the businesses I talk to that don’t test at all — respected, household names you probably think are testing their socks off. Some of the worst offenders are big companies that have direct mail programs, but don’t rely on them for their success. And (egad) you’re probably borrowing techniques from these people!

I don’t care how smart you are or how well you know your market or product. Until you run a properly designed test, you don’t know jack. And even then, you should test again just to be sure.

Is testing expensive? Let me put it this way: it’s less expensive than rolling out a mailing that is destined to under perform or flop.

Avoiding stupid mistakes won’t guarantee success. But like the chess player, you will reduce your losses and thereby increase your wins.

Related posts:

1. Soup, sand, and rancid cheese: The craziest direct mail test in history

Back in March, I posted an interesting interview with Ted Grigg about snap packs, the red-headed step child of direct mail.

Like so many things in direct mail, snap packs work far better than they look, in part because they look personal and important rather than flashy.

If you haven’t read that interview, read it now. Then watch this video from Ballantine Blog showing two types of modern snap packs.

I love the Ballantine Blog videos. Yes, they’re meant to promote printing services, but they’re highly educational for anyone interested in direct mail.

And you should be interested in direct mail. For those of you who think direct mail is going away and everything will be online in about 5 minutes, heed my warning: Direct mail will be with us for many, many years. It works like gangbusters and you ignore it at your peril.

You can see what I have to say about the death of direct mail at DM News.

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Nine years ago, I discovered an article at Improbable Research about a direct mail test that was so bizarre, I had to share it with others. So, with the permission of the author, I posted it to my website.

It turned out to be a popular article, amusing and amazing people all over the country.

Why all the fuss? Why would so many people outside the direct marketing industry want to read an article on direct mail testing?

Because it chronicles the most audacious direct mail test in history. It started as a prank, but developed into a revealing look at how good the USPS really can be at delivering mail.

The idea was simple: mail a bunch of silly, outrageous objects and see what gets delivered and what doesn’t. What kind of objects? One was a can of Progresso Classics Split Pea Soup with an address label on the side. That one didn’t make it.

But here are some other crazy items that did:

• Twenty-dollar bill. Sealed in clear plastic to tempt the greedy. Delivered untouched in 4 days.

• Pair of expensive tennis shoes. Unwrapped. Simply strapped together with duct tape. Delivered in 7 days with laces neatly and tightly knotted.

• Rose. No box. No wrapping. Just a rose with postage and address card tied to the stem. Beat up but delivered in 3 days with the rosebud intact.

• Screaming toy. A monkey-in-the-box addressed in big letters to LITTLE JOHNNIE. Upon shaking, the toy shouted, “Let me out of here! Help! Let me out of here!” Delivered in 6 days.

• Fresh green coconut. No wrapping. Just addressed, stamped, and dropped in the mail from Hawaii. Delivered in 10 days.

• Box of sand. Mailed in transparent plastic box. Opened, inspected, taped shut, and delivered in 7 days.

• Brick. Wrapped in plain brown paper. Pulverized by the US Drug Enforcement Agency, but all pieces delivered in a plastic bag in 16 days.

• Large wheel of rancid cheese. Mailed in a cardboard box through which the cheese oozed and emitted a truly noxious odor. Box placed in plastic bag and delivered in 8 days.

Want to see what else was mailed and what happened? Read Postal Experiments for yourself and find out.

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