Morris Hite was a classic American advertising man, self-educated and self-made.

Yes, I know. You’ve probably never heard of him because he’s not as well-known as some Madison Avenue ad executives, but he had a powerful impact on the industry.

He was born in Oklahoma, migrated to Texas, and worked his way up to become head of the Tracy-Locke agency in Dallas, one of the country’s most successful agencies. And he did it by focusing on his clients’ growth rather than on producing clever ads.

He was also an innovator in the area of consumer research long before it became fashionable. And he always looked for the “big idea” to craft sales messages that would trigger consumer response on a gut level.

For me, Hite represents the ideal ad man: smart, down-to-earth, plain-spoken, and enthusiastic, with an indomitable can-do attitude and a laser-like focus on profits. Here’s what he had to say about the craft and business of advertising. Not everything here is about direct marketing, but there is plenty to learn from his wise words.

“Advertising is salesmanship mass produced. No one would bother to use advertising if he could talk to all his prospects face-to-face. But he can’t.”

“Advertising moves people toward goods; merchandising moves goods toward people.”

“If an ad campaign is built around a weak idea—or as is so often the case, no idea at all—I don’t give a damn how good the execution is, it’s going to fail.”

“If you have a good selling idea, your secretary can write your ad for you.”

“Is advertising moral? It is part and parcel of the American free enterprise system… I challenge anybody to show any economic system that has done as much for so many in so short a time.”

“It is not the purpose of the ad or commercial to make the reader or listener say, ‘My what a clever ad.’ It is the purpose of advertising to make the reader say, ‘I believe I’ll buy one when I’m shopping tomorrow.’”

“It takes good clients to make a good advertising agency. Regardless of how much talent an ad agency may have, it is ineffective without good products and services to advertise.”

“Next to Christianity, advertising is the greatest force in the world. And I say that without sacrilege or disrespect. Advertising makes people discontented. It makes them want things they don’t have. Without discontent, there is no progress, no achievement.”

“No agency is better than its account executives.”

“The agency’s account executive should be able to step into the sales manager’s shoes if the sales manager drops dead today.”

“The headline is the most important element of an ad. It must offer a promise to the reader of a believable benefit. And it must be phrased in a way to give it memory value.”

“The ultimate test of a finished account executive is his ability to write a sound marketing plan.”

“There is more money wasted in advertising by underspending than by overspending. Years ago someone said that under spending in advertising is like buying a ticket halfway to Europe. You’ve spent your money but you never get there.”

“There is no such thing as national advertising. All advertising is local and personal. It’s one man or woman reading one newspaper in the kitchen or watching TV in the den.”

“To establish a favorable and well-defined brand personality with the consumer the advertiser must be consistent. You can’t use a comic approach today and a scientist in a white jacket tomorrow without diffusing and damaging your brand personality.”

“To Mrs. Mufoosky, the commercials may seem as long as a whore’s dream. But to the new advertiser who has spent 100 Gs for his first network commercial—he gets a new understanding of a split second. It’s the fastest half minute of his lifetime.”

“There’s no secret formula for advertising success, other than to learn everything you can about the product. Most products have some unique characteristic, and the really great advertising comes right out of the product and says something about the product that no one else can say. Or at least no one else is saying.”

That last quote demonstrates my entire approach to creating direct response ads. Great advertising really does come right out of the product.

When I was asked to teach a copywriting class for a special program at The Ohio State University, I discovered that teaching writing is far more difficult than the writing itself. Many of the things I did naturally from experience or instinct were a complete mystery to my students.

So, in order to make the copywriting process a logical and painless operation, I devised a simple method for writing ad copy for novice writers. I called it POWER Copywriting, an acronym for the five steps in the copywriting process: Prepare, Organize, Write, Edit, and Review.

This represents years of copywriting experience boiled down to the basics. I won’t promise that this will help you create a masterpiece of copywriting brilliance. But it can help guide you toward better and more effective sales writing.

Step 1: PREPARE
Good ad copy begins with good information. And the best way to gather the information you need is with a thorough Q&A. Here are some basic questions that will help you prepare for just about any ad writing project.

Don’t try to wordsmith at this point. Just collect as much information as you can. Feel free to add additional information as needed.

Description. Briefly, what is the product or service you are selling?
Purpose. What does this product or service do for the customer? How does it work?
Price. What is the suggested cost? What are you asking for it?
Features. What are the most important facts and specifications about this product or service?
Benefits. What do the features mean for the customer? What problems are solved? What needs are filled? Of all the benefits, which is the most important?
Competition. From the customer’s point of view, why is this product or service better than what the competition is offering?
Your Business. Do you have a special history, unique owner, awards?
Guarantee. How strongly do you believe in the product or service? How will you back up your belief? 30 days free trial? Money back guarantee?
Prospect. Who do you visualize as the ideal buyer? Male or female? Income? Job title? Interests? Concerns? Fears?
Objections. Why would someone NOT want this product?
Testimonials & Endorsements. Letters from happy users? Media coverage? Celebrity endorsements?
Objective. What do you want prospects to do when they see this ad? Ask for more information? Buy immediately? Come to your website? Request a demo?
Offer. What is the deal you are offering to prospects? Lower price for a limited time? Free information? Gift with an immediate order?
Deadline. When does the offer expire?
Required Copy Points. What information or legal copy must be included?
Taboos. What can never be said or promised?
Method of Payment. Credit card? PayPal? Installment Billing?
Method of Ordering. How should a buyer place an order? Phone? Email? Web form?

Step 2: ORGANIZE
After you’ve answered these questions, organize your information. This is simply a matter of writing the essential points concisely. These are still just notes for reference, but your copy is now starting to take shape.

Don’t take shortcuts. The best selling ideas come from this research and note-taking. I’ve found that writing and rewriting notes is a great way to focus the mind and shape ideas.

Here are the essential items you will need to write your copy:

• Description
• Purpose
• Price
• Features
• Benefits / Prime Benefit
• Guarantee
• Prospect
• Objective
• Offer
• Deadline
• Method of Payment
• Method of Ordering

You’ll notice that this list doesn’t include everything from the first step. Some of the information you collected in Step 1 is for background only. The items in Step 2 are those most likely to be used directly in your copy.

Step 3: WRITE
Now that you’ve collected and organized your information, it’s time to start writing your copy.

• Write your headline.

1. Review your Prime Benefit, Offer, Deadline, Price, Prospect, Method of Ordering, Description, and Guarantee.
2. Choose the information you want to emphasize.
3. Select a basic headline type that best conveys your information.* See below.
4. Write several headlines and choose the best.

* 7 Simple Headlines that Work

Direct — A direct headline comes right out and states your main idea. (“7 step online business plan generates cash instantly”)

News — People are interested by news. Words such as “new,” “introducing,” “announcing,” “now,” and “at last” indicate something newsworthy. (“Now program your VCR by simply speaking to the revolutionary VCR Voice Programmer”)

How-To — This headline promises a solution to a problem or information of interest. (“How to stop smoking in 30 days”)

Question — When related to a benefit or the reader’s concerns, the question headline is a powerful attention grabber. (“How do I know which mutual fund is right for me?”)

Command — A command can kick your headline into high gear and start selling immediately. (“Call today and reserve your Star Trek collectible”)

Information — People make buying decisions with the information you provide. By educating people, you gain their attention and trust. (“Two things you won’t get on your average tread mill”)

Testimonial — Nothing is more convincing than a customer endorsement. (“This diet program worked for me. It can work for you, too!”)

• Write your subheads.

1. Review your Description, Benefits, Features, Offer, Deadline, Guarantee, etc.
2. Choose the information that best expands on your headline.
3. Write your subheads in order of importance. Use the active voice and make every subhead a benefit statement.

• Write your body copy.

Expand on each subhead. List features. Explain each benefit. It may seem that this is the hardest part since the body copy will probably require the most number of words. However, body copy is relatively easy to write once you have your headlines and subheads.

Most good copywriters spend from 50 percent to 80 percent of their time on headlines. If your reader takes the time to read body copy, they’re already interested in what you’re selling. All you need to do is provide clear details and support your headlines and subheads. No need to get fancy.

• Write your call to action.

1. Review your Method of Ordering, Offer, Price, Deadline, and Guarantee.
2. Write your call to action including all the above information that applies. Use the active voice and be straightforward and clear. (“Try the all-new Gizmotron 5000 for 30 days risk free. Your satisfaction is guaranteed or your money back. Order within the next 10 days and get 3 bonus Gizmo attachments FREE! Click here to place your order now!”)
3. Look at similar ads to see how other writers have structured the call to action.

Step 4: EDIT
For some, editing is the hardest part of copywriting. But it’s essential to get the clean, crisp results you’re looking for. You must be ruthless. Don’t fall in love with your own writing. Every word must add to the message. If anything is unclear or wordy, cut it out. Long copy is fine. Just make sure that every word is pulling its own weight.

As you review your work, ask yourself a few questions:

• Does my headline get attention, select an audience, deliver a complete message, and draw the reader into the body copy?
• Does my headline exploit human motivators such as fear, exclusivity, guilt, greed, or envy?
• Is my headline clear and to the point? Does it relate to the product or service?
• Do my subheads logically expand on the headline in order of importance?
• Is my body copy full of facts or empty clichés?
• Do I ask for the order? Have I made it clear what I want the reader to do?

Step 5: REVIEW
Put your copy aside for a few days and read it later when you’re fresh. Try these techniques to review your ad.

Use the “5 Second Test.” Show the ad to a few objective people. If they don’t understand it at a glance — in about 5 seconds — it isn’t going to work. Don’t play with body copy. Revise the big things. Make your headline more clear and direct. Clarify your offer. Give direct ordering instructions.

List all the negatives. What’s wrong with the headline? The call to action? The tone? Be brutal and honest. Don’t get attached to particular pet words or phrases. This isn’t art, after all. It’s business. So if something needs to be changed, change it.

Consider one other way to write the ad. Even if you have a successful formula, there are always other approaches that will work. If you keep an open mind, you just might find a better way. Or you may discover improvements you can incorporate.

Try the “Stop or Go Test.” You should generally speak in the second person, using words such as “you” and “your.” And you should avoid speaking about yourself too much, with words such as “I,” “we,” and “our.” So, with a green pen, circle all words referring to your reader. Then, with a red pen, circle all words referring to you. If you see a lot of green, your copy is a go. If you see a lot of red, stop and edit.

The definition of a good quotation is “truth well-stated.”

Good quotes can be wise, amusing, irreverent, opinionated, even contradictory, but each sparkles with a diamond of truth.

Personally, I believe that some of the most instructive and entertaining are those that criticize, complain, or poke fun. Thus, these gems:

“Ninety-nine percent of advertising doesn’t sell much of anything.” -David Ogilvy

“The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interests them, and sometimes it’s an ad.” -Howard Luck Gossage

“The six phases of every project: 1. Enthusiasm; 2. Disillusionment; 3. Panic; 4. A search for the guilty; 5. The punishment of the innocent; 6. Praise and honor for the nonparticipants.” -Anonymous

“To me, an advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.” -Fred Allen

“Advertising is selling Twinkies to adults.” -Donald R. Vance

“Hollywood has its Oscars. Television has its Emmys. Broadway has its Tonys. And advertising has its Clios. And its Andys, Addys, Effies and Obies. And 117 other assorted awards. And those are just the big ones.” -Joanne Lipman

“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.” -Steven Wright

“People don’t buy from clowns.” -Claude C. Hopkins

“Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.” -Stephen B. Leacock

“You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.” -Joseph E. Levine

“Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.” -Sinclair Lewis

“The Death of Advertising? I think that’s in the book of Revelation. It’s the day when people everywhere become satisfied with their weight, their hair, their skin, their wardrobe, and their aroma.” -Jef I. Richards

“Great designers seldom make great advertising men, because they get overcome by the beauty of the picture — and forget that merchandise must be sold.” -James Randolph Adams

“Just because your ad looks good is no insurance that it will get looked at. How many people do you know who are impeccably groomed … but dull?” -William Bernbach

“Asked about the power of advertising in research surveys, most agree that it works, but not on them.” -Eric Clark

“It is the unrelenting, oppressive pressure to be imaginative that is responsible for most bad advertising. It causes people to suspend judgment, to lose sight of priorities, and to forget what they’re supposed to be doing.” -John Egley

“There is a great deal of advertising that is much better than the product. When that happens, all that the good advertising will do is put you out of business faster.” -Jerry Della Femina

“We grew up founding our dreams on the infinite promise of American advertising. I still believe that one can learn to play the piano by mail and that mud will give you a perfect complexion.” -Zelda Fitzgerald

“You can always rely on Madison Avenue to do the right thing to sell a product … once they’ve exhausted every other possibility.”-Dean Rieck

Okay, I had to throw that last one in there just for fun. Do you have a favorite quotation about advertising?

Last week, I asked you to take a test to see if you’re a word nerd. This week, I have another test for you. And it’s a doozy.

The concept is “selective attention.” I don’t want to spoil it, so watch the video below. Don’t cheat. You’ll miss the point entirely if you don’t follow directions and see the results for yourself.

Done?

If you followed the directions and tried to count the number of times the people in white shirts passed the basketball, there’s a 50/50 chance you’re amazed right now.

How could you possibly miss the gorilla?

The first time I watched the video, I thought it was a joke. There is no way I could have missed something so obvious. But I watched it again, and sure enough, there it was.

This is the result of selective attention. In law enforcement and military training, they call it tunnel vision. Police officers involved in a physical confrontation, for example, find that their attention is so selective, they can vividly remember certain details, such as the sneakers of a criminal, but miss other details, such as a car accident that happens right in front of them at the same time.

The idea of selective attention is simple: people select to pay attention to some things and not others. That’s because the brain can only take in so much information at once. The more focused a person is on one thing, the less that person pays attention to something else.

Consider how a magician uses this idea to misdirect you. While he’s waving his right hand, you don’t notice what he’s doing with his left.

Selective attention affects advertising messages as well. An obvious example: clever TV ads that seek to entertain you, then throw in few fleeting references or images of the product. Afterward, you may remember the entertaining part of the ad, but not recall the product.

Any time you try to be too clever, inject irrelevant concepts, or take the focus away from the product, you invoke selective attention. Your reader or viewer may miss what may seem painfully obvious to you.

The answer is just as obvious.

Keep your message simple and direct. Focus on the product and its benefits. Avoid overly conceptual or entertaining ideas, clever visuals, or self-indulgent wordplay.

In other words, focus on what’s relevant to assure your prospect sees it.

If you want to learn more about selective attention, visit The Invisible Gorilla.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

If you want to learn the basics of advertising, you can read books or attend seminars. But really, there are lessons all around you.

Keep your eyes open. Every day you can discover another advertising principle. What works. What doesn’t. How to improve your ads. What to avoid.

One of my favorite sources of selling inspiration is FAIL Blog, a visual library of human nature and communication gone wrong.

Just look at the advertising lessons from the past few weeks …

Niche advertising works.

Tell the story of your business.

Deadlines are good. But don’t get carried away.

Give prospects an easy means to respond.

Sell products people want.

Write your headlines carefully.

Proof your copy one more time.

Never let your designer control the message.

A better offer always wins.

Use the active voice.

What have you learned today?

Mark Twain once said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”

How true. I suppose that’s why I enjoy collecting and sharing quotations about advertising. You can read a hundred books and still not learn as much as you can from one pithy quote.

So I’m going to shut up and let the old masters (and a few extra guests) speak this week.

“Advertising is what you do when you can’t go see somebody. That’s all it is.” –Fairfax Cone

“The simplest definition of advertising, and one that will probably meet the test of critical examination, is that advertising is selling in print.” –Daniel Starch

“Advertising in the final analysis should be news. If it is not news it is worthless.” –Adolph S. Ochs

“The most common trouble with advertising is that it tries too hard to impress people.” –James Randolph Adams

“The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interests them, and sometimes it’s an ad.” –Howard Luck Gossage

“In our factory, we make lipstick. In our advertising, we sell hope.” –Peter Nivio Zarlenga

“If it doesn’t sell, it isn’t creative.” –David Ogilvy

“The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men – the man he is and the man he wants to be.” –William Feather

“When executing advertising, it’s best to think of yourself as an uninvited guest in the living room of a prospect who has the magical power to make you disappear instantly.” –John O’Toole

“There are a lot of great technicians in advertising. And unfortunately they talk the best game. They know all the rules … but there’s one little rub. They forget that advertising is persuasion, and persuasion is not a science, but an art. Advertising is the art of persuasion.” – William Bernbach

“People don’t buy from clowns.” –Claude C. Hopkins

“Let’s say you have $1,000,000 tied up in your little company and suddenly your advertising isn’t working and sales are going down. And everything depends on it. Your future depends on it, your family’s future depends on it, other people’s families depend on it. Now, what do you want from me? Fine writing? Or do you want to see the goddamned sales curve stop moving down and start moving up?” –Rosser Reeves

“Every time a message seems to grab us, and we think, ‘I just might try it,’ we are at the nexus of choice and persuasion that is advertising.” –Andrew Hacker

“I have learned that any fool can write a bad ad, but that it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one.” –Leo Burnett

“A good ad should be like a good sermon: It must not only comfort the afflicted, it also must afflict the comfortable.” –Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

“If an ad campaign is built around a weak idea – or as is so often the case, no idea at all – I don’t give a damn how good the execution is, it’s going to fail.” –Morris Hite

“The product that will not sell without advertising will not sell profitably with advertising.” –Albert Lasker

“Advertising is totally unnecessary. Unless you hope to make money.” –Jef I. Richards

“Asked about the power of advertising in research surveys, most agree that it works, but not on them.” –Eric Clark

“Promise, large promise, is the soul of an advertisement.” –Samuel Johnson

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.” –Mark Twain

“If I were starting life over again, I am inclined to think that I would go into the advertising business in preference to almost any other. The general raising of the standards of modern civilization among all groups of people during the past half century would have been impossible without the spreading of the knowledge of higher standards by means of advertising.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt

Here’s a little secret Madison Avenue doesn’t want anyone to know …

Slogans are losers. They don’t sell.

At least, most of them don’t sell. I ran across an article from USA Today I saved back in 2003 on this topic and it cited a consumer survey on whether people recognized the slogans of some of the biggest marketers in the U.S. The results were depressing.

Out of 22 supposedly “famous” tag lines, “only six were recognized by more than 10% of those surveyed — this for companies spending more than $100 million a year on ads.”

When you dig deeper into the results, it gets worse.

Slogans from three prominent advertisers scored 0% recognition, including Circuit City (We’re with you), Kmart (The stuff of life) and Staples (That was easy).

Billions of dollars spent on advertising, much of it devoted to dreaming up clever slogans, and apparently most of it never registers.

Not all slogans fail. Wal-Mart scored 64% recognition with it’s “Always low prices. Always” tagline. But then, Wal-Mart is in a whole different league than most businesses.

So why do most slogans flop? Some say consumers are too smart to fall for fluff and bull. I agree, considering the emptiness and irrelevance of most taglines. I mean, what the heck does “The stuff of life” mean, anyway?

The bottom line is that writing slogans is the same as writing any copy. A slogan has to say something relevant and meaningful. My guess is that Wal-Mart’s “Always low prices” slogan works because it’s true and descriptive. Most slogans are just nice sounding words from companies who don’t have any distinguishing features, such as low prices or better products.

There may be another reason. Slogans have to be short, but not all ideas can be expressed in three to five words. So maybe some companies just aren’t slogan-worthy.

What do you think?

They’ve been recording and touring for 35 years. And in all that time they’ve remained an icon of anti-innovation. AC/DC began their career playing three-chord rock songs and they’re still playing three-chord rock songs. Almost nothing has changed.

Has it hurt them? Well, when the band recently released its new album, Black Ice, it went straight to the top of the Billboard charts, selling 784,000 copies in the first week. So I’d say no. Their lack of innovation seems to be working quite nicely, thank you.

We live in a time of endless, often mindless, change. DVDs killed VHS, and now your DVDs face their own mortality. You thought you’d caught up when you got that tiny little cell phone, now big Blackberries with keyboards are the rage. The GPS is cool, but the maps were out of date the moment you got into your car.

Everywhere you turn, something is changing and that out-of-breath feeling you used to get now and then is with you every day. And all you want is to find something that’s stable and familiar.

Thus the success of AC/DC. No, they’re not the best musicians in the world. No, they’re not hip or up-to-date. In fact, I contend that they’re as popular as ever and selling out shows because they’ve made no effort at all to stay current. They aren’t interested in updating their skill set. They refuse to embrace new technology. And no, they aren’t going to revise their corporate mission to better serve their customers.

These aging, stubborn dinosaurs give their fans exactly what they want: the same songs, the same sound, the same show, the same attitude. Why? Because new isn’t always better.

When they recorded their first album (and I do mean album, pure, luscious vinyl), they established their product. It was good. Album after album, they kept producing the same product, over and over and over. After all, why fix it if it ain’t broke?

Okay, so what does this have to do with advertising? A lot, actually. Because while most advertising needs improved or updated over time, sometimes it’s best to leave well enough alone. If it works, it works. Change for the sake of change makes no sense.

Take the De Beers “A Diamond is Forever” ad campaign. Copywriter Frances Gerety coined that phrase in 1948. It’s one of the best and most recognized slogans of all time and has remained unchanged for over 60 years.

Should the company meddle with it? Maybe tweak it to say, “Diamonds Last Quite a Long Time” or “Got Diamonds?” or maybe “Don’t Buy a Toaster for Her Anniversary, You Dolt. Get Her a Diamond!”

No, the original phrase and the basic campaign has worked, does work, and will continue to work. No change is required.

Or how about the Maytag repair man? The character of “Ol’ Lonely” was created by copywriter Vincent R. Vassolo and has appeared in countless TV commercials since 1967. It was a simple but brilliant idea: Maytag appliances are so dependable, the repairman is bored out of his mind. The actor playing the role has changed a few times, but not the core idea. Since it still works, the company has wisely kept using it.

What’s the longest running ad ever? That just may be an advertisement for the Jos. Neel Co., a clothing store in Macon, Georgia. They have run their tiny little ad in the upper left corner of the Macon Telegraph every single day since February 22, 1889. That’s 120 years. Innovation? Fuggeddaboudit!

The famous ad man Leo Burnett once said, “I have learned that any fool can write a bad ad, but that it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one.”

Absolutely right.

In a world where change is a tiring constant, those few things that remain the same become comfortable and familiar friends. People like to do business with friends.

The next time you’re in a meeting and someone suggests an overhaul to your advertising, ask one simple question: “Why?” If there’s a good answer to that question, call me. If not, end the meeting, pass out the adult beverages, and crank up the AC/DC.

It was about 11:00 a.m. when we started up the mountain outside of San Pedro Sula in the northwest corner of Honduras. The humid air lay heavy and still in the valley below, causing the fields of sugar cane to shimmer in the hot sun.

We were videotaping b-roll for a few TV spots one of my fundraising clients wanted to test. Our task that day was the same as it had been every day that week: to capture images of the devastating poverty these people suffer.

The camera crew donned their battery belts, cables, and assorted gear and we followed the narrow dirt path toward the shacks above. As we ascended a steep rise and veered to the right, we came across a young boy toting an armload of dry firewood. One of our videographers wanted to shoot this and positioned himself in the middle of the path.

That’s when it happened. And to understand what happened, you must understand the term “wrap-and-throw.”

Many of the people my client helps are so poor they live in makeshift shacks, some of mud or wood, others little more than plastic or cardboard nailed to sticks. These places often have no sanitary facilities. So the residents have developed a practical way to deal with their waste: They wrap it in a small bag and throw it.

Thus, we were walking in a “wrap-and-throw” community. And while the videographer set himself to shoot the kid with the wood, one of our guides trotted ahead to ask the child’s permission. The boy agreed, and the guide came running back toward the cameraman.

A wrap-and-throw lay silently in the path, aged and ripe. A group of unsuspecting, sunblock-smeared gringos stood stupidly smiling three feet away, anticipating nothing but the beautiful picture they were about to record. Our guide’s foot came down hard at ground zero … and the principles of ballistics did the rest.

It gave new meaning to the term “$#!* happens.”

Three people were hit, the brave videographer getting the worst of it, sprayed heel to cheek with the brown, foul-smelling slime. Fortunately, I had been walking ahead of the group, upwind and out of range. But when I heard the ruckus and walked back, it was like a scene in a war movie: Shocked, pale faces. Cries of shock and disbelief. People running in all directions.

The videographer stood stock still, looking down at his body in disbelief, mumbling, “I can’t believe that just happened. I can’t believe that just happened.” Others in the group tried to act concerned as they cautiously inspected their own bodies for damage.

I must admit, I would have been equally disgusted if I had been a casualty of this incident, but I would not have been surprised. In fact, that’s what I found most interesting about it – the utter surprise that this had happened.

Surprise? We had been walking in wrap-and-throw for days. The only surprising thing was that it hadn’t happened before. We knew where we were going and what we were doing. And we knew the risks. In my mind, this was proof that we were out there doing what we had to do to get the job done. That wrap-and-throw was just part of the process.

Which brings me to ad testing. (How’s that for a segue?)

I am forever baffled by the unrealistic attitude so many advertisers have about testing. These delicate souls don’t really want to “test,” they merely want to “confirm.” They expect to rack up victory after victory with little or no effort. Failures are dreaded experiences, not learning experiences. Fear is the reigning emotion, and avoidance is the primary technique.

The first thing I tell everyone who calls me wanting to start a testing program is that the first order of business is to establish a basic “control” ad or direct mail package. Then start methodically testing to improve results. Testing means just that. Testing. Trying things out. Seeing what works and what doesn’t. And by definition, testing means experiencing failures along with successes.

But again and again, otherwise brave business people, who have risked great peril to start businesses, launch products, and develop markets, suddenly quiver in horror at the idea of “failing” in a test. So, what often happens is that good test ideas are talked about but never acted upon. Or new ideas are mauled by committees till they are little more than tweaked versions of previous promotions – safe but ultimately unproductive.

Testing means getting out there – getting your hands dirty and getting the job done. And occasional failures are just part of the process. In fact, the best way to increase your success rate is to increase your failure rate! In other words, the more you test, the more you learn.

The more you learn, the better your results will be in the long run.

And while I’m on a rant about testing, allow me to specifically catalog and comment on some of the most egregious mistakes I’ve seen advertisers make:

Testing haphazardly or running sloppy tests. Testing is a mathematical process. You have to test all the time. You have to test carefully. Otherwise, the numbers just won’t mean anything. If you don’t have the skill or patience for number crunching and analysis, get someone else involved.

Assuming that tests are error-free. Even if you run what you believe are careful, well-conceived tests, never assume that there is no room for error. You should actively seek out mistakes on every level. Whether your test comes out good or bad (but especially if it’s bad), think through the whole process to track down errors.

For a mailing you might ask: Were the mailing list numbers accurate? Were the addresses good? Did all our pieces get mailed? Was the bar code on the reply form correct? Are phone operators and mail handlers carefully tracking every response? Have I made mathematical blunders anywhere? Where else could a mistake be made?

Drawing the wrong conclusions. Too often, people look at test data and jump to a conclusion. “That self-mailer bombed. Self-mailers don’t work,” or “We tested a Christmas appeal, and we lost money. Christmas is a bad time to mail.” This is usually the result of a poorly designed test. Ideally, you should test with the express purpose of measuring one variable. And you must test against a proven control. Otherwise, you may conclude that a particular variable affects the results when it doesn’t.

Making decisions based on insignificant results. Every test must be statistically valid. That means you must reach enough of your audience to assure that you have accurately sampled that audience, and that you get enough responses to accurately calculate your results. When you fall below certain minimums, your results are worthless. Testing is expensive, but you can’t cut corners.

Overlooking an important result. Numbers are data. You only have information once you analyze your numbers and draw conclusions. That’s why it is important to do more than just list your results; you should play around with them. See what might be hiding in all those digits. Is there a trend? Are your results seasonal? How do your results compare with industry averages?

Refusing to repeat a test to confirm results. An accurate test is repeatable. In other words, if your results are accurate, you’ll be able to test again and get similar results. If you don’t, there’s something wrong somewhere.

Filing away results instead of using them. Why test if you just calculate a response rate and throw your report into a filing cabinet? Those numbers are expensive to get, so use them. Analyze every test quantitatively and qualitatively. Show the numbers and write  your thoughts and conclusions. Then share the test data with everyone involved. After every test you should know something useful, like “this 2-page letter works just as well as this 4-page letter” or “this offer increased inquiries from our TV spot by 35%.”

Failing to keep a running record of conclusions. Over time, as you see the results of test after test, you will start to see patterns emerge from the numbers. Organize and list this information as a guideline for future testing. Building on your hard-won knowledge will dramatically increase your success rate.

In all cases, testing is about acquiring knowledge, because you don’t “know” anything until you test. Knowledge is the gold for which you should be panning. And testing is not something you do once and forget. It is not something you do only when you have a little extra in your budget. Testing should be – must be – part of your routine, everyday business.

You should forever be in what I call the Testing Loop:

1. Run a test.

2. Analyze the results.

3. Act based on the results.

4. Repeat.

Remember, testing is not about confirming your savvy or proving your biases. All those little so-called mistakes are not mistakes at all. They are nuggets of precious knowledge. They are your most valuable asset.

Indeed, $#!* happens. But that odor is not failure; it’s the sweet smell of future success.

I love a good quotation.

Over the years, I’ve collected a few hundred quotes about advertising and selling that are variously inspiring, funny, or instructive. Here are some of my favorites.

“Advertising is totally unnecessary. Unless you hope to make money.”  -Jef I. Richards

“A good ad should be like a good sermon: It must not only comfort the afflicted, it also must afflict the comfortable.”  -Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

“Exuberance is better than taste.”  -Gustave Flaubert

“The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interests them, and sometimes it’s an ad.”  -Howard Luck Gossage

“Advertising is salesmanship mass produced. No one would bother to use advertising if he could talk to all his prospects face-to-face. But he can’t.”  -Morris Hite

“When executing advertising, it’s best to think of yourself as an uninvited guest in the living room of a prospect who has the magical power to make you disappear instantly.”  -John O’Toole

“Thinking is the hardest work many people ever have to do, and they don’t like to do any more of it than they can help. They look for a royal road through some short cut in the form of a clever scheme or stunt, which they call the obvious thing to do; but calling it doesn’t make it so. They don’t gather all the facts and then analyze them before deciding what is really the obvous thing, and thereby they overlook the first and most obvious of all business principles.”  -Robert R. Updegraff

“You’ve got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going ’cause you might not get there.”  -Yogi Berra

“The headline is the ‘ticket on the meat.’ Use it to flag down readers who are prospects for the kind of product you are advertising.”  -David Ogilvy

“Advertising in the final analysis should be news. If it is not news it is worthless.”  -Adolph S. Ochs

“Let’s say you have $1,000,000 tied up in your little company and suddenly your advertising isn’t working and sales are going down. And everything depends on it. Your future depends on it, your family’s future depends on it, other people’s families depend on it. Now, what do you want from me? Fine writing? Or do you want to see the goddamned sales curve stop moving down and start moving up?”  -Rosser Reeves

“Facts are to the mind what food is to the body.”  -Edmund Burke

“Promise, large promise, is the soul of an advertisement.”  -Samuel Johnson

“I have learned that any fool can write a bad ad, but that it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one.”  -Leo Burnett